Jokes and Puns: Lighten up your day!

Kafka's Law: In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

Juhani's Law: The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it's compromising.

Jones's Principle: Needs are a function of what other people have.

Jones's Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
McClaughry's Codicil on Jones's Motto: To make an enemy, do someone a favor.

Jones's Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Johnson-Laird's Law: Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.

Johnson's First Law of Auto Repair: Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Johnson's Third Law: If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue containing the article, story, or installment you were most anxious to read.
Corollary: All of your friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out.

Johnson's Second Law: If, in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

John's Collateral Corollary: In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.

John's Axiom: When your opponent is down, kick him.

Jinny's Law: There is no such thing as a short beer. (As in, "I'm going to stop off at Joe's for a short beer before on the way home.")

Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.

Jay's Laws of Leadership:
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativity.
To build something that endures, it is of the greatest important to have a long tenure in office -- to rule for many years. You can achieve a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all of the great tycoons have continued their building much longer.

Jaroslovsky's Law: The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Jake's Law: Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.

Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Governments: No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Italian Proverb: She who is silent consents.

First Postulate of Isomorphism: Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

Issawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper: Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in socialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in capitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every article in four layers of cardboard.

Issawi's Law of the Social Sciences: By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete.

Issawi's Laws of Progress:

The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse. The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. The Dialectics of Progress: Direct action produces direct reaction. The Pace of Progress: Society is a mule, not a car . . . If pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider.

Issawi's Law of Frustration: One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.

Issawi's Law of Estimation of Error: Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical.

Issawi's Law of Dogmatism: When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding dogmas that are different from our own.

Issawi's Law of Cynics: Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times out of ten.

Issawi's Law of Consumption Patterns: Other people's patterns of expenditure and consumption are highly irrational and slightly immoral.

Issawi's Law of the Conservation of Evil: The total amount of evil in any system remains constant. Hence, any diminution in one direction -- for instance, a reduction in poverty or unemployment -- is accompanied by an increase in another, e.g., crime or air pollution.

Issawi's Laws of Committo-Dynamics:
Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.
The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so.

Issawi's Law of Aggression: At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated and accruing aggressiveness. If more than 21 years elapse without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil disturbances, and political disruption.

Iron Law of Distribution: Them what has -- gets.
Wakefield's Refutation of the Iron Law of Distribution: Them what gets -- has.

Law of Institutions: The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

Laws of Institutional Food:
Everything is cold except what should be.
Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.

Law of the Individual: Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Index of Development: The degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of the price of an automobile to the cost of a haircut. The lower the ratio, the higher the degree of development.

Imhoff's Law: The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank -- the REALLY big chunks always rise to the top.

Iles's Law: There is an easier way to do it.
Corollaries:
When looking directly at the easier way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
Neither will Iles.

The Ike Tautology: Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.
Corollary: Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Idea Formula: One man's brain plus one other will produce about one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as many.

IBM Pollyanna Principle: Machines should work. People should think.

Hull's Warning: Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Hull's Theorem: The combined pull of several patrons is the sum of their separate pulls multiplied by the number of patrons.

Howe's Law: Every man has a scheme that will not work.

Howard's First Law of Theater: Use it.

Horowitz's Rule: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

Horngren's Observation: (generalized) The real world is a special case.

Horner's Five Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Hogg's Law of Station Wagons: The amount of junk is in direct proportion to the amount of space available.
Baggage Corollary: If you go on a trip taking two bags with you, one containing everything you need for the trip and the other containing absolutely nothing, the second bag will be completely filled with junk acquired on the trip when you return.

Hoare's Law of Large Programs: Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.

Historian's Rule: Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.

Hildebrand's Law: The quality of a department is inversely proportional to the number of courses it lists in its catalogue.

Hersh's Law: Biochemistry expands to fill the space and time available for its completion and publication.

Herrnstein's Law: The total attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size of the class.

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they'll stop making it.

Hendrickson's Law: If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.

Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. (Shevelson's Extension: ... having done its damage.) [Grelb's Addition: ... if it was bad, it will be back.]

Heller's Myths of Management: The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson): Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Hein's Law: Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.

Hawkin's Theory of Progress: Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.

Harver's Law: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Hart's Law: In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

Hartman's Automotive Laws:
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend.
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip.
Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Hartley's Second Law: Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.

Hartley's Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something.

Hartig's Sleeve in the Cup, Thumb in the Butter Law: When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.

Hartig's How Is Good Old Bill? We're Divorced Law: If there is a wrong thing to say, one will.

Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Harris's Restaurant Paradox: One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer usually gets faster service when the retaurant is crowded than when it is half empty; it seems that the less the staff has to do, the slower they do it.

Harris's Law: Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.

Harper's Magazine's Law: You never find an article until you replace it.

Hardin's Law: You can never do merely one thing.

Harden's Law: Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought of it first.

Halpern's Observation: That tendency to err that programmers have been noticed to share with other human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness attendant upon programming's adolescence, which like acne would disappear with the craft's coming of age. It has proved otherwise.

Hall's Law: There is a statistical correlation between the number of initials in an Englishman's name and his social class (the upper class having significantly more than three names, while members of the lower class average 2.6).

Hale's Rule: The sumptuousnss of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion to its profitability that year.

Haldane's Law: The Universe is not only queerer than we imagine, it is queerer than we CAN imagine.

Hagerty's Law: If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.

Hacker's Law of Personnel: Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task will invariably protest that more resources are needed.